Chatham Artillery Punch

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For the last handful of years I’ve been serving a variation on Chatham Artillery Punch at my birthday party (recipe below). It is delicious, and deceptive. At least one person every year misjudges its potency, and is then shamed the following year by having to wear a “punch card” so we can keep track of how many glasses they’ve had.

To try and avoid over-indulgence this year, I’m planning to include a lot of warnings around the bowl. Rather than reinvent the wheel, I headed over to the Library of Congress’s newspaper search to see what has already been said about it. Here’s what I found:

  • “… a drink with a 42-centimeter [Howitzer] kick to it…” – ‘The Labor Advocate’ (Cincinnati, Ohio), 1915
  • “… bites like a serpent and stings like an adder, but produces a jag of monumental proportions and lasting qualities.” – ‘The Sentinel Record’ (Hot Springs, Ark.), 1909
  • “Rumour hath it that every solitary man of the Blues was put under the table by this deceiving, diabolical and most delightful compound. … as a vanquisher of men its equal has never been found. It is as mild as a syllabub, seemingly, but it conquers like a cyclone.” – ‘Augusta Chronicle’ (Augusta, Ga.), 1885
  • “… more formidable than even the Spanish guns which protected Manilla bay” – ‘The Morning News’ (Savannah, Ga.), 1900
  • “President Taft will be ‘up against’ the hardest proposition of his tour when he arrives [in Savannah] this evening. He is about to be invited — nay, urged — to have a bout with the famous Chatham artillery punch, which already has many distinguished visitors to its credit. … If he partakes of it, he will prove his bravery beyond all criticism.” – ‘The Brownsville Daily Herald’ (Brownsville, Tex.), 1909
  • “… looks as deceptive as commencement lemonade, but that three tablespoonfuls of it to a person not used to liquor, is warranted to put him under a table, and do it every time without fail.” – ‘The Morning News’ (Savannah, Ga.), 1892
  • “There are those who, if pain and misery must be encountered, would rather have them come via the Savannah artillery punch route than by any other.” – ‘The Morning News’ (Savannah, Ga.), 1900
  • “The society editor of the Macon News calls ‘punch’ a wine. He should go to Savannah, tackle artillery punch and he would come to the conclusion that it is a solar plexus blow.” – ‘The Morning News’ (Savannah, Ga.), 1898
  • “‘Whatever you do,’ a man is related to have once said to a friend, ‘drink no more than seven glasses.’ ‘Why?’ asked the neophyte. ‘Because,’ answered he of infinite knowledge, ‘eight are fatal.’” – ‘The Morning News’ (Savannah, Ga.), 1900
  • “There is such a beverage made and known as artillery punch. We are living witnesses to the fact that it is no misnomer. When it attacketh a man it layeth him low and he knoweth not whence he cometh or whither he goeth. Like death, it knoweth no age or station in life, or, in other words, ‘it is no respecter of persons.’ It lacks respect. There’s where the trouble is. Its work is as quiet as the breathless working of wizard oil.” – ‘Mexico Weekly Ledger’ (Mexico Mo.), 1883
  • “…some of the old veterans found that artillery, when in the form of punch, was as dangerous as the grim artillery of warfare.” – ‘The Morning News’ (Savannah, Ga.), 1899
  • “Artillery punch is a solid punch. Its veiled wallop is like that of a boxing glove with a brick in it.” – ‘The Cairo Bulletin’ (Cairo, Ill.), 1912
  • “There’s a punch that is called the ‘artillery’.
    Unequalled by any distillery;
    It bring dreams of delight
    In the jovial night,
    But next morn the head fells ‘Jack and Jillery’.”
    – ‘The Sun’ (New York, NY), 1907
  • “J.H. Canon’s case was peculiar. He was charged with assault with intent to murder and he filed a plea of guilty of stabbing not in his own defense. Canon got into the scrape through a slight mistake. He is a waiter, and during the Centennial he went down the river in his professional capacity on the excursion of the Eighth Georgia Regiment. Canin is very fond of lemonade and he helped himself liberally to a lemon-flavored beverage which was on board. The next day Canon learned that he had been tampering with artillery punch instead of an innocent picnic beverage which he supposed it was. Canon had two cuts on his arm, and he had cut some one else, but he did not know any of the particulars. It had all happened while he was unconscious. Canon was shown to have a good reputation and his plea was accepted and sentence was suspended.” – ‘The Morning News’ (Savannah, Ga.), 1886

So,  yeah. Not a drink to mess with.

Hawaiian Artillery Punch
Peels of 12 lemons (just the yellow part – try to avoid pith)
2 cups sugar
500 ml lime-strength pineapple juice
750 ml brandy
750 ml bourbon
750 ml Jamaican rum
3 x 750 ml sparkling wine

Muddle the peel with the sugar. Let sit a couple hours to extract the oils. Add 500 ml of the pineapple juice, stir until sugar is dissolved, and strain into a 750 ml bottle. Top up to 750 ml if the bottle isn’t full (with the pineapple juice if you have some left, or with lemon juice). Store in fridge. To serve, fill a large punch bowl with ice. Add the juice/sugar mixture, the spirits, and the sparkling wine. Stir gently.

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